I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
