I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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