Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want to fling myself into the sun
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
