its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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