Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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