I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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