i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
