i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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