when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
