wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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