look no pants
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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