i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
