yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
