my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
