The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
