Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
