Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did i walk over a car last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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