He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
