I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
