I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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