what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
