If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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