Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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