Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
