If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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