Someone shit on the floor
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
