Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
