ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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