I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
