Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?