A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?