SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.