my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw