cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level