I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I forgot wine drunk hurts