And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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