the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
