I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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