Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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