Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
