he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
