I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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