you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
