i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
