Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
