He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
