how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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