I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
