You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize