I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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