Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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