am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
