I CAN MOONWALK!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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