If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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