you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
