My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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