If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sarcasm needs its own font
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
