Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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