What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
