she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
