the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
