Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
