we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
