Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize