If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
