I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
