And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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