I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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