I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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