took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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