Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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