Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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