I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Randomize
