Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
