she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
