I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
